You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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