If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you will always have a special place in my vag
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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