Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
