my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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