why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
