i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
