she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
