porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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