Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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