Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
