we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
