Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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