But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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