im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
