Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
