A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
