just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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