Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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