if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
