I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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