Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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