im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
