Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just high enough for therapy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
