i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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