Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
