the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
