I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is an emotional support booty call
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
