Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
