The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
