So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
