Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
