Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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