I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
