I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
