I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
