he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
