That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
