The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
