he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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