Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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