This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
