Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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