You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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