Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
