She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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