she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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