I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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