Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
