I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
