My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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