how can u be prego again
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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