Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
