its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
