Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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