my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
